Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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