Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
