I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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