i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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