forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
