lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
