i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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