I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
