his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
