The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
