I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
