so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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