i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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