Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
