Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
