Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
