After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
