Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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