Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
