You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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