You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
