All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
