David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
