No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
