I feel like abortions should bother me more
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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