Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
