so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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