I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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