Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
