I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
