my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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