We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
