Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
