I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
