My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
as a side note pls kill me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
