im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
