You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
