he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
