DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
