If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
