He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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