I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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