So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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