Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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