can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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