My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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