Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
