my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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