I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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