I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
