big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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