the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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