You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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