I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
